People are furious over Jetstar's new bag fee - but I say it's the right move

What's orange and guaranteed to make everyone froth at the mouth with fury? Nope, not him. It's poor old Jetstar. Ever since the airline announced it will charge customers for stowing carry-on luggage in the overhead lockers, Australia's very foundations have been rumbling with rage.

Quick recap: from February 2027, Jetstar's base ticket fares will now only include one under-seat bag. To store luggage overhead, you'll need to pay a "priority carry-on fee", varying with the length of your flight.

The resulting outrage would make you think Jetstar had stolen Christmas or blocked out the sun when really, just as haters gonna hate, budget airlines gonna budget airline.

Creative monetisation for low-cost carriers is as natural as a morning breeze. And yet many travellers see it as a cash grab so shocking that the perpetrator should be made to swap its star livery for tailfins emblazoned with the snarling face of Mr Burns from The Simpsons.

I am not one of those travellers.

On this matter, I am 100 per cent team Jetstar. I reckon this charge is the best idea since Ryanair, EasyJet, Wizz Air and more did exactly the same thing.

I've lost far too many hours in jet bridge purgatory while boarding is bunged up by overladen idiots trying to cram into the overhead bins all the stuff they'd rather not pay to check in, the hapless hosties grappling with the grim reverse childbirth of squeezing big objects into small spaces, their patience stretched further than any long-haul.

The fee will end a lot of misery. It is, quite simply, a tax on selfishness.

Transforming annoying customer behaviour into revenue is such genius strategy I'm surprised that budget airlines haven't done it more. So you'll be pleased to hear I'm stepping up to fill the gap with my very own low-cost carrier. You heard it here first.

At Plummet Airlines (a name reflecting our ultra-low prices and absolutely not the reliability of our lovingly restored fleet of Soviet-era military transporters), we achieve outstanding value through our Four-P formula: Passenger Pests Produce Profit. Here are just some of our innovative offerings.

At Plummet, we believe the only pilots worthy of applause for landing an aircraft are Maverick from Top Gun and Shadow the dog, who learned to fly a Cessna 172 in the 2016 UK reality TV show Dogs Might Fly.

On all our flights, anyone who claps on landing will be forced to empty their wallet into a hat outside the cockpit, as you might for a busker. The money will fund second engines for our super-airworthy fleet.

Ryanair's Michael O' Leary missed a golden opportunity when he failed to deliver on his promise to charge passengers for using the aircraft lavatories. At Plummet, we've turned his half-hearted concept into an entirely new fare that's also an ideal solution for disruptive toilet traffic - and people who just take too long in the loo.

Our $10,000 Feeling Flush fare offers incomparable comfort with a ticket to fly all the way in the loo rather than on a seat. And in an exciting win-win, Feeling Flush customers can choose to line their pockets by renting the toilet to other passengers in 10-minute blocks. Who needs first class when you can fly on the throne?

As scientific research has shown that bearded passengers increase an aircraft's drag and thus raise its carbon footprint, every bearded Plummet customer will pay a surcharge. In this ground-breaking sustainability initiative, they will be invited to shave off the beard in the departure lounge, where it will be used to weave our in-flight blankets, neatly closing the circle.

As for those overhead lockers - we'll be charging, but not for baggage. They're prime real estate for our younger fliers. For a modest price of $8000 per child, you'll be able to stow your Petite Plummets safely above. Seats are for grown-ups only.

See you on board, folks, and remember - bad habits make good money!