Cocktails at 9pm and afternoon naps: what happened when I took four generations on a cruise

It's well past bedtime. Mine, not my toddler's. He went to sleep hours ago, lulled by the waves, our portable sound machine and the dark cabin aboard Royal Caribbean's Anthem of the Seas.

Tonight I'm out with my grandmother, matriarch of our multi-gen (four generations!) holiday. Great-grandmum to my son Griffin, and our clan's serial cruiser, she's generously whisked family away for decades. This is her first four-generation cruise though, and her maiden voyage with a toddler. She's taken the endeavour seriously, even doing a recce trip on the ship a few months earlier with my aunt and uncle. She scoped out the Royal Babies and Tots nursery, the baby splash pool, even the 10-metre-tall Gigi the giant Giraffe sculpture - giraffes are currently Griffin's favourite animal. She handpicked our cabins next to the Adventure Ocean kids club.

We're not the only multi-generational family turning to cruising. My mothers' group friend Montana is off to Brisbane for a five-night cruise with one-year-old Eden, his grandparents and the great-grandparents in tow. She returns home with tips: "It's the best, but it's a lot of work. Use your parents to babysit, pack your own portacot and don't forget to bring toys for the cabin."

We meet several large family groups aboard Anthem of the Seas, too. I chat to grandparents in line for smoothies who've loved running after the grandkids. They even have a babysitting roster, so each of their kids gets a date night. Grandparents are the saints of the sea. My mum fits that bill, too, spending her designated babysitting evenings reading on her phone in the dark while Griffin sleeps in peace.

It turns out not all cruise ships fit the multi-gen brief. Especially when your family manifest starts at infant and ends upwards of octogenarian. Montana's ship didn't have a splash pad - a big disappointment given they'd cruised to Cairns and little Eden couldn't cool off. For our sailing, Grandmum's non-negotiables are: an itinerary in and out of Sydney (she prefers not to fly), water play for toddlers (health regulations ban children in nappies from pools and surprisingly few ships have splash pads for non-toilet-trained tots), childcare for under threes (again, not all ships offer this), excellent cocktails and a late-night piano bar. Those last two are for her.

That's how I end up nursing a glass of wine while Grandmum sips her cocktail late into the night. Ok it's only 9pm, but for this toddler mum it's practically 2am at the nightclub. Soon enough, I do remember how to relax. I ease into my wingback armchair in the Schooner Bar, my grandmother taps her feet to the beat, and I realise these are the moments I'll cherish long from now.

I'm in my late 30s. Not many people my age can still enjoy a nightcap with their grandmother. We live on opposite sides of the country. When I'm visiting, navigating nap times and Sydney traffic is exhausting. Her apartment isn't toddler friendly. Mum and Dad's place isn't mobility friendly. We decided we needed neutral ground, free from family heirlooms and staircases.

When we first board our nine-night South Pacific cruise, I'm determined to make core memories. I corral the troops to visit the splash pad and Gigi the Giraffe, but opposing nap schedules (Grandmum and Mum enjoy an afternoon siesta, Griffin is a morning nap kinda guy) play havoc. Add in the logistics of a pram, a walker and a toddler - the memories are few and fleeting.

In the end, the best moments are in Grandmum's cabin. Griffin totters around while she crochets. He's happy to play, she's happy to watch. Even better are times I get to be a granddaughter again. One lazy sea day I climb into bed with Grandmum for a cuddle. Griffin tries to join us but I make him wait his turn. I spend time with my mum too. We're not Mummy and Nonna when we sneak off to sit in a hot tub for 30 minutes.

Nine nights at this age is also enough to see Griffin change. He learns new words and starts funny games. My family enjoy him in real time, rather than Facetime or the group chat. Best of all are the hours we spend in the toddler play area. The absolute Most Valuable Player of Anthem of the Seas for our family getaway, it's free and open from 9am to 10pm. There's space for Grandmum to sit and watch Griffin pinwheel between balls, slide, stacking toys and baby trikes.

The play area is inside Adventure Ocean, Royal Caribbean's famous kids club. It's also home to Royal Babies and Tots, for little ones aged six months to three years old. Unlike the older kids' programs, it has an hourly fee of about $US9 ($12.60), but that's still better than daycare prices back home.

Three evenings of our sailing, Griffin goes to Royal Babies and Tots night sessions. Like school kids sneaking off campus, Mum, Grandmum and I hightail it to dinner after drop-off. Bone-in ribeye, truffled fries, grilled asparagus and a hearty pour of a McLaren Vale shiraz at the Chops Grille, enjoyed uninterrupted, is bliss. Another night it's Aperol spritz and the famous charcuterie boards at Jamie's Italian. I feel guilty Griffin isn't sharing fresh burrata and gooey garlic bread buns with me, but the feeling is short lived. I'm told he's inhaled chicken tenders and french fries before bedtime in the nursery. Everyone wins.

It turns out this is what multi-generational cruising is all about. Not always together, not always having fun (you're still parenting after all), but enjoying each other in small moments that feel different from home. And no one does the washing up.

The writer travelled at their own expense